Conference organizer fails to have Yes Men arrested<\/p>\n
Imposters posing as ExxonMobil and National Petroleum Council (NPC)
\nrepresentatives delivered an outrageous keynote speech to 300 oilmen
\nat GO-EXPO, Canada’s largest oil conference, held at Stampede Park in
\nCalgary, Alberta, today.<\/p>\n
The speech was billed beforehand by the GO-EXPO organizers as the
\nmajor highlight of this year’s conference, which had 20,000
\nattendees. In it, the “NPC rep” was expected to deliver the long-awaited
\nconclusions of a study commissioned by US Energy Secretary
\nSamuel Bodman. The NPC is headed by former ExxonMobil CEO Lee
\nRaymond, who is also the chair of the study.<\/p>\n
In the actual speech, the “NPC rep” announced that current U.S. and
\nCanadian energy policies (notably the massive, carbon-intensive
\nexploitation of Alberta’s oil sands, and the development of liquid
\ncoal) are increasing the chances of huge global calamities. But he
\nreassured the audience that in the worst case scenario, the oil
\nindustry could “keep fuel flowing” by transforming the billions of
\npeople who die into oil.<\/p>\n
“We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant,” said
\n“NPC rep” “Shepard Wolff” (actually Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men),
\nbefore describing the technology used to render human flesh into a
\nnew Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D animations of the process
\nbrought it to life.<\/p>\n
“Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of
\nfossil fuel production,” noted “Exxon rep” “Florian Osenberg” (Yes
\nMan Mike Bonanno). “With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of
\ndisaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will
\ncontinue to flow for those of us left.”<\/p>\n
The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit”commemorative candles” supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the
\nflesh of an “Exxon janitor” who died as a result of cleaning up a
\ntoxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video
\ntribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles
\nafter his death, and all became crystal-clear.<\/p>\n
At that point, Simon Mellor, Commercial & Business Development
\nDirector for the company putting on the event, strode up and
\nphysically forced the Yes Men from the stage. As Mellor escorted
\nBonanno out the door, a dozen journalists surrounded Bichlbaum, who,
\nstill in character as “Shepard Wolff,” explained to them the
\nrationale for Vivoleum.<\/p>\n
“We’ve got to get ready. After all, fossil fuel development like that
\nof my company is increasing the chances of catastrophic climate
\nchange, which could lead to massive calamities, causing migration and
\nconflicts that would likely disable the pipelines and oil wells.
\nWithout oil we could no longer produce or transport food, and most of
\nhumanity would starve. That would be a tragedy, but at least all
\nthose bodies could be turned into fuel for the rest of us.”<\/p>\n
“We’re not talking about killing anyone,” added the “NPC rep.” “We’re
\ntalking about using them after nature has done the hard work. After
\nall, 150,000 people already die from climate-change related effects
\nevery year. That’s only going to go up – maybe way, way up. Will it
\nall go to waste? That would be cruel.”<\/p>\n
Security guards then dragged Bichlbaum away from the reporters, and
\nhe and Bonanno were detained until Calgary Police Service officers
\ncould arrive. The policemen, determining that no major infractions
\nhad been committed, permitted the Yes Men to leave.
\nCanada’s oil sands, along with “liquid coal,” are keystones of Bush’s
\nEnergy Security plan. Mining the oil sands is one of the dirtiest
\nforms of oil production and has turned Canada into one of the world’s
\nworst carbon emitters. The production of “liquid coal” has twice the
\ncarbon footprint as that of ordinary gasoline. Such technologies
\nincrease the likelihood of massive climate catastrophes that will
\ncondemn to death untold millions of people, mainly poor.
\n“If our idea of energy security is to increase the chances of climate
\ncalamity, we have a very funny sense of what security really is,”
\nBonanno said. “While ExxonMobil continues to post record profits,
\nthey use their money to persuade governments to do nothing about
\nclimate change. This is a crime against humanity.”<\/p>\n
“Putting the former Exxon CEO in charge of the NPC, and soliciting
\nhis advice on our energy future, is like putting the wolf in charge
\nof the flock,” said “Shepard Wolff” (Bichlbaum). “Exxon has done more
\ndamage to the environment and to our chances of survival than any
\nother company on earth. Why should we let them determine our future?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Conference organizer fails to have Yes Men arrested Imposters posing as ExxonMobil and National Petroleum Council (NPC) representatives delivered an outrageous keynote speech to 300 oilmen at GO-EXPO, Canada’s largest oil conference, held at Stampede Park in Calgary, Alberta, today. The speech was billed beforehand by the GO-EXPO organizers as the major highlight of this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","spay_email":""},"categories":[10,22,46],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/309"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=309"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/309\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=309"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=309"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bbrace.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=309"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}